100 THINGS ABOUT ME THAT YOU MAY OR MAY NOT CARE TO KNOW

(This is a work in progress.)

100. I live in the ghetto.
99. I have an unnatural love for dogs. Even moreso than people.
98. I have a sick sense of humor. Unbelievably crass and obnoxious.
97. I believe my mother should be sainted, even though she is still alive and we are not Catholic.
96. I have never seen any of the Survivor series.
95. I am addicted to the news, in every form.
94. I actively enjoy and encourage gossip.
93. I have terrible vision.
92. My right foot is bigger than my left.
91. I practice traditional American Indian religious ceremonies.
90. I was kidnapped once.
89. I hate the sound of a vacuum cleaner.
88. I will only live in houses with wood floors.
87. My great great great great great uncle was a serial killer.
86. I have a great speaking voice.
85. I have a better singing voice.
84. I refuse to sing in any public forum outside of karaoke.
83. My IQ has tested as high as 148 and as low as 118.
I claim 139. 82. I am not smart enough for Mensa.
81. I love baseball.
80. I think you are better than a hot soak.
79. My favorite song ever is "As" by Stevie Wonder.
78. I believe in Socialist theory, but have yet to claim myself a Socialist.
77. I've secretly switched your gourmet coffee with Folger's crystals.
76. I am Full Blooded Indian. That's FBI for short.
75. I hate tomatoes, onions, and mushrooms. Among other things.
74. I love Mexican food.
73. I can turn the world on with my smile.
72. I'm gonna make it after all.
71. My dog's name is Bigsby.
70. I sound sarcastic, even when I'm sincere. [Cheeks and I both, which is why it would never work...]
69. I can remain calm in emergency situations.
68. One time, I had $700 in cash, so on a whim I hopped on a bus from New Orleans and ended up living in Norfolk, VA (the Hellmouth) for 4 months.
67. I was homeless and slept in my car for 2 months.
66. I am terrible with money.
65. I like to say FUCK a lot.
64. Kids and dogs love me.
63. I have 2 jobs.
62. I can't wait for The Bozzie Awards. I'm all twitterpated.
61. I hate Demi Moore with a murderous passion. Mariah Carey, too.
60. I will probably never get married.
59. But I want kids.
58. I have talked my way out of every traffic ticket except one.
57. I heart porn.
56. I have 3 "prison"-type tattoos. That means when I was a kid I let a friend of mine use his homemade pen and Bic ink.
55.